MIAMI, Fla. (Wireless Flash), June 17, 1999 -- New Year's Eve could be a killer time for some folks -- literally.
A Miami-based psychologist is predicting there will be a rash of "suicide cocktail parties" on December 31, 1999.
Psychologist Wes Patterson claims Y2K fears are disenchanting people to the 21st century, and he fears many may try to kill themselves as the clock strikes midnight.
He believes the majority of "century suicides" will take place in Third World countries, which are more likely to suffer Y2K-related problems such as bank shutdowns and airplane crashes.
The Internet is already bursting with ideas on how to execute a New Millennium Suicide Party, including cyanide-laced party punch and bomb-filled piņatas.
Curious about suicide parties and the like, I phoned Dr. Patterson in Miami to get the scoop. But while the doctor got my attention by predicting mass suicide, it soon became apparent that he was selling something else.
GETTINGIT: How widespread do you expect these New Year's suicides to be?
WES PATTERSON: I'd rather talk to you about my work with hypno-phone counseling, which is spiritual counseling over the phone, in the hypnotic state, anywhere in the world. And in the case of spiritual work, through my techniques, you can obtain a state that is very similar, if not the same, as that state obtained by the ancient mystics and monks when they used to go on the mountain and isolate themselves and meditate for years before coming down with great wisdom and great knowledge, and starting a religion. I obtain that state immediately. It's extremely time saving.
GI: I'd say! Let me ask you this, you seem to be very focused on this phone counseling but what about the suicide parties that are coming up at the end of the year?
WP: That's a completely different subject. I feel that with the coming of the new millennium, especially in December, there will be a great increase in suicides and probably homicides, especially as we get closer and closer to December 31.
GI: Are you a suicide expert?
WP: Yes, I've worked with a number of suicidal people. I've come to this conclusion not from only one source, or in one way, but from many different sources and different ways.
GI: So where are these suicide parties happening?
WP: [long pause] I don't know of anything specific. That was something that came to me in a trance state. I'm not absolutely sure that actual suicide parties will be held, in that sense. I won't stand behind that 100 percent, but I will stand behind what I said that there will be quite an increase in suicides -- mass suicides.
GI: Can your phone therapy prevent all this suicide?
WP: Well, there's only so many people that any one person can talk to, and I developed this myself. I don't know anybody else who does it. And in one or two sessions, I can reproduce the state that was achieved by the great religious leaders, such as Buddha, and Lao-Tzu and...
GI: Ummm... Dr. Patterson, do you have any books coming out?
WP: As a matter of fact, I have a poetry book that came out two months ago called Past the Galaxies of Stars by Wes Patterson which can be purchased on Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com.
Dr. Patterson's Web site is at http://members.spree.com/justdoit.
See also: Will People Party to Death?
R.U. Sirius ruined cyberpunk as co-publisher of MONDO 2000. In his spare time, when not wrecking conventional journalism as editor- in-chief of GettingIt, he is attempting to Fuck The Vote at http://www.the-revolution.org.